These past few days have been rather..."ulch" to say the least. I have been having hallucinations, my mom has a new job (yay), while as I lost my job (boo). Overall, I would have to say that these past few days have utterly sucked ass.

I have been having the usual hallucinations. I have been seeing the man in the hat, animals, carnivals, and I have been seeing demons. It can get pretty scary if one sees through my eyes. I wonder if an ocular transplant would solve my problems. It really is too bad that the problem is deep-seeded in my mind. I sometimes cry myself to sleep at night; I wish that there was an operation that could fix my noggin. I now get to go through the arduous process of setting my med levels to just the right frequency. This process could take weeks, or even months. Wish me luck in finding the right cocktail again. I know that this will probably land me in the hospital again.

The one good thing this week is the fact that my mom got a new job at a candy store! As far as I know, she loves it. She is under orders to eat at least one piece of every candy in the store so she can give good suggestions to the customers. She also gets a 20 percent discount on every item in the store. I think that it's a suitable job for her since she's a chocolate addict; even more so than me!

My job...I didn't necessarily get "fired", but I was "replaced". As far as I can tell, the only difference is that they welcomed me to re-apply for Wal-Mart again. Even if I do get back with Wal-Mart again, I will not be assigned to push carts; I loved my old job and this really grinds my pepper to have been replaced. Why didn't they just fire me and call it quits. I am not reapplying to that cesspool -- I would rather work in a dull factory! I would be just as glad digging a ditch of some sort. To be honest, I would much like to have a job at a movie rental shop. I would even take an adult video store...they have funny characters in those places! Getting back on the subject at hand -- to me, pushing carts was the best job in the world. If I never do graduate college, I would love to push carts for a living. I am sure that my next job will suffice the onset of boredom and will challenge me in satisfactory ways. At least being on SSI will help me out through these hard times.

These past few days have been rather hectic yet fun at the same time. I have been sort of sick off and on this week. On the plus side, I got to go trick or treating with some friends of mine. Yes I realize that 20 years old is perhaps too old to go trick or treating. I went with a 29 year old and a 55 year old though, so we are all guilty of the crime of mooching candy. The first place we hit up was the mall; they didn't have jack shit as far as candy went. Then we hit up this rich neighborhood…they were shoveling candy in our bags by the bucketful! Well not literally the bucketful, but it was close enough.

My schizophrenia has been acting rather off kilter for a while now. I am on temporary leave on my job at Wal-Mart. When I had my asthma attack, the meds that they injected me with flushed out my psych medication. I am now waiting seven to ten weeks to straighten out this whole ordeal. I see my "new" psych doctor this Thursday; she's not a psychiatrist, but she is a nurse practitioner and knows what she's talking about (at least I hope so!) I might be sent back to the wacky shack again for a med adjustment, but that won't bother me in the least because I will only be there for about three to four days, if that.

Well as far as I can tell, or care to know, my parents had a nice anniversary this past Halloween. I watched Ghost Hunters live and I think they did as well. They are also into Winds of War and War and Remembrance, so they watched those as well. This was their 27th anniversary (or so I think). Everyone give them your best wishes!

That's all for this post…nothing much left to say. I hope my readers had a fun Halloween; I went to a spook house and trick or treated! I will post in a week probably…maybe even in a few days! Bye~

I had yet another horrific situation yesterday at work. I could swear to God that I saw a three-ring circus in the parking lot. I sat there staring at the tent for a good ten minutes before I ventured inside. Once I was inside I saw five clowns. I could hear traditional circus music playing as I watched the trapeze artists swing around. I saw an elephant; the whole nine yards! After many minutes of gazing at the spectacle, my boss informed me that it was not real. The only reason I figured that the circus was in town was because of Halloween! That was on Wednesday; on Thursday it was even worse. I finally told my boss, Gary, that I have to take personal time to recover until further notice. I am going to see my doctor on November 6th to hopefully combat this matter further. My current PRN meds are leaving something to be desired . All they do is make me sleepy; I still hear voices and see things up until I finally doze off. My meds might or might not be the problem. I had a very severe asthma attack a little over one month ago. At the hospital, they shot me up with a steroid to help me breathe. Apparently it has an interaction with my many other meds. My mom and I both think that's the reason why I am having problems again.

Last night I saw The Strangers. It was like...well how do I put this. It sucked raw eggs that have been popped out of an angry bear's unkept ass. I would say that it's a solid 3/10; not worth watching at all!

Hopefully I return to work soon...not too soon, though! Until next post, bye~

The past few days have been up and down, come and go, swim and sink, you get the drift. There is good news and bad news...let me begin with the bad.

Over the past week, I have had spots of hallucinations. Wednesday was very bad; at work I was seeing and hearing things left and right. I even waited on what I thought were two kids playing in the parking lot. As it turns out, they vanished into thin air after a minute or two. I also saw a little girl jumping rope right inside the store. I started to lose it...then my shift ended at 10:00pm. The next day, yesterday, was far worse than anything I ever experienced. The only reason I am not in the hospital right now is because I knew they were not real. This of course means no flinging of 300 pound weights at my co-workers. For those who aren't schizophrenic, be glad. For those that are curious and want to see what it's like...you wouldn't like it one bit [trust me!]. I wouldn't wish this disease on my worst enemy; if someone were to massacre my family, I still would not want them to have schizophrenia. Gary, my manager wants me to get all better before I try work out again. Hopefully I will be able to go back in two to three weeks max. If someone wants to see exactly what it's like, check out post 53.

Now for some fun news! Today and all the rest of this weekend are apple butter makin' days! I went with some friends up to Mt. Vernon to get some apple butter and other goods. While I was there, I purchased a huge tub of apple butter for my mom and a vintage comic book for my dad; their aniversery is on the 31st.

I leave you with a schizophrenic's mind...Van Gogh's painting, Stary Stary Night .

I work from 8am to 12pm tomorrow. I work till Tuesday, then I have a day off. Then I work Wednesday and Thursday and get Friday off. My hours have been shortened considerably. I am working about 24 hours per week; I was pushing 31 / week. The reason for the cutback is that my SSI and health insurance would be compromised if I made too much income. By doctor's orders, I am not allowed to push more than five carts at once; I have to use a machine if I need to haul more. I was pushing 12-15 carts at once and everyone seems to believe that that's what caused my asthma attack. The fact of the matter is I was on break and when I stood up is when I had the attack.

Today I cashed my first Wal-Mart paycheck. This is the first paycheck that I have received in more than two years . I am not going to say how much it was for; that would simply be rude -- plus it's nobody's business! I can't wait to go back to work!

I got a free rental at Movie Gallery. I checked out a copy of the Aeon Flux video game for PS2. It looks fun; I am going to play it tonight . Time to eat something....later!

I paid a visit to Wal-Mart today. I will resume my work soon; I picked up my first paycheck today! My URI is still there, but I believe that I can work again. I just have to stay on top of my medication and inhalers. I sure hope I can return to work soon!

Yesterday I made a calendar for the blog. The source can be found right here.

That's all for now. I will post an update on my job status tomorrow! Now make way for growlie pants~

So I went to Kansas City, MO this past weekend (from Thursday to Sunday). I went to an art gallery and played video games. It was great fun!

My aunt and I paid a brief visit to the Nelson-Atkins Art Gallery. We looked at Asian art, African art, and modern art. I saw some ancient Hindu relics as well. One thing I noted about the African art is the emphasis on the gelital reigon for both male and female art. The modern art was my favorite by far. The sheer randomness is what attracts me to the style.

As many of you readers may know, I am a cart pusher at Wal-Mart. Well yesterday I had a major asthma attack; I had to be carted away in an ambulance! In the ER they injected me with a steroid to aid my breathing. They also hooked me up to some oxygen and took a chest x-ray. My chest and back are still hurting me today; that's why I'm not at work. My broncial tubes feel "raw"; they are in intense pain. My emergency inhaler isn't doing me any good, either. Hopefully I am better tomorrow; if I am not, I'm gonna have to see my primary care physican. I broke the 43 day streak of no accidents at work .

I will post again tomorrow night with some asthma updates and some video game news. Bye~

I am a sad panda today...the weather in Kansas City today is rain, rain, and some flooding. My trip up north was oostponed until next Thursday thru next-next Monday or maybe even Tuesday. All of this provided I don't get called into work. Yes, there is a 95% chance that I have a job!

I applied and got in an interview at Wal-Mart. If I get hired, I will be put up as a cart-pusher. My job would be to return the carts and clean up spills on the floor. I don't know what my schedule will be like, but I think that it will be eight hours a day for three days per week. For those that don't do math, that is 24 hours per week. I will be making minimum wage; that is plenty of cash for me.

I am level 114 on Conquer Online. I am making good progress thru Final Fantasy and Final Fantasy X. What is your favorite character from these two games? In Final Fantasy, I would have to put my money on the black mage. Lulu would be my favorite in Final Fantasy X. Enough chit-chat about games--I'm off to watch TV, nap, then play video games for awhile. Nerblog lo-fi version will come around eventually ( when I feel like it )

Seven years ago, there was a horrible terroist attack on the Twin Towers. My thoughts and prayers are with the lives lost seven years ago and the lives lost in the war against terror.

I leave around 12:30pm tomorrow for Kansas City. I bought a nice card for my Aunt Sissie for her birthday this Sautrday. Yay for Sissie's birthday, boo for DG on the 12th. That's all for now, I'll post again next Tuesday or Wednesday!

I am fresh out of ideas. I can't think of anything to add to Nerblog; I can't think of anything to code either. I was going to make a tiny program to switch wallpapers, but I now find that it is very unnecessary to make one since Windows and most linux GUI shells already have one built in. I am going to brainstorm with a friend and see what I can come up with for Nerblog. So far all we've got is making a lofi version of the blog.

My regex lessons are going rather swimmingly. I am going to have lots of fun with regex once I learn it more in depth .

I am going back up north to Kansas City, MO on Friday. I will be gone for about five days, so the blogging will be rather sluggish. Also in the events, my friend is turning 21 this Wednesday. Happy birthady, Kaj! Just gotta hope he doesn't get alcohol poisioning and die on his birthday. My aunt's birthday is on this Saturday, too! She is the one I will be staying with this weekend . I hope you two have wonderful birthdays!